Dysfunctional Marriages and Why People Choose to Stay

Intercollegiate Image

I was so shocked bantu beNkosi when I read comments on a blog I frequently visit about people who stay in dysfunctional marriages.

I think I have this fairy-tale image of what marriage is about and it appalls me to see people not living it out. The bible in my eyes made this holy matrimonial easy. Husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands (Ephesians 5:33). I honestly or naively thought if people were practicing these verses in their households then they would live happily eve rafter. My reasoning was that women are affectionate beings, they want to be loved and men want to be respected and seen as superior or as the head of households. As longs as you respect him, he will love you forever or so I thought.

I never imagined people staying in loveless marriages and enduring all sorts of crap because they are keeping face or staying because of their children.

Divorce is not an option for me (Khethile khethile-You stick it out!) but hey! How do you stay in a marriage where your husband cheats and doesn't even make an effort to be discreet. I'm not saying cheating is okay as long as you don't get caught but imagine umntu that does as they please nje! And not hiding anything. Wazi nje that you are just waiting to be infected by diseases.

I know there are things I won't understand. They are not meant for me to comprehend hence I don't wreck my mind trying to understand them but what makes two people who vowed to stay together in sickness and in health.  I'm not refering to parasites with the aim of stealing one's riches. I'm talking about the ones that paid lobola (wadleka) and professed his undying love in front of his family and friends. What changes after a year or two? I know in the first two years they were probably still observing each other and compromising in most things and their different backgrounds can be a factor ezintweni ezinintsi. But why do people reach that level where they will just cause pain to each other instead of loving each other as they have promised to? Umntu enze unothanda as if they are still single.

Like I said maybe my love for happy endings is hindering me from seeing things the way they are. Or the believer in me refuses to believe that if people put God at the centre of their lives there would be dysfunctional marriages.

I know born-again Christians are among those who file for divorce as the heat in their marriages seems to be too hot for them to bear but I think the lost spark can be ignited and a couple that prays together can work through the toughest storm that want to ravage their lenyalo and be in a functional mtshato.

Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts. Don't burst my bubble phofu I don't even want to get married.I just love and respect that institution!

Living For None Factors

People these days have stopped living their lives for themselves. It's all about keeping up with the Jones.

It's quite rare to find a person that isn't influenced by their peers or what's trending on social networks. Life has reached that stage where people even lie by portraying a lavish life on social networks something that doesn't depict what is happening at home.

What happened to doing things that you enjoy. And not trying hard to fit in or impress people you hardly know.

I think we all want a meaningful life but how are we going to get it if we are chasing the wrong things nje.

Me being the observer, I see so much emptiness or rather vanity in people these days. Not trying to be biblical but inene obukuqala bazoba ngobukugqibela because we tend to start with things that should only mark our finishing line.

We are no longer in touch with our sense of being. Silahlekile.

It Takes One Tweet

It doesn't take much to put off a number of people that support and love your craft. 

Arrogance and lack of empathy aren't a great combo. Especially to someone that's in the public eye. 

Making fun of someone or reacting irrationally when you have thousands of followers of which some could be facing the exact thing you are ridiculing.

Before I vent aimlessly let me tell u what angered me.

I love TollAssmo since forever. His unique way of delivering comedy and his 'Madiba' inspired shirts and of course his reality show More Love is what attracted me to him. I like ppl who do not conform to the standard of this world. And are totally fine with looking different from the rest. Would not call them trend setters but abantu nje abohlukileyo. 

But I was so disappointed and hurt at the same time when I scrolled down on my timeline and saw a Tweet from TolAssMo directed to Mandla that said "@eenMcloud u r not funny leave dat 2 paid professionals like myself & continie 2 run ur spaza shop,stock up on beans or something #phumagimi." 

I didn't mind the bad grammar cause I make endless typos myself. 

But taking time out of his 'busy schedule' to insult another human being like that is uncalled for. I get that he didn't get Mandla's Joke as he say that's what he intended when he replied to this Tweet from Mongezi earlier which said - "Is it ok for me to be called a kaffer in the heat of an argument by a caucasian? What would you do?"

Mandla replied by saying @TolAssMo so what did u do Papa Khumo..?.holler if you need bail money. 

  

Mandla's response was a bit off and maybe Mongezi was still rattled with the comments made earlier by that racist that called him by the K word. 

My problem though is him mocking Mandla's business. On Big Brother Mzansi we learned that Mandla owns a spazza shop is the bread winner at his house. 

And that moved me so much. We live in a country that the devide between the rich and the poor is widening. And to see a young star rising beyond his circumstance and making a difference and isn't ashamed of his not so privilege upbringing is applaudable. 

Now to see a 'celebrity' undermining someone's hustle is so lame and unacceptable! 

Just because Mandla is from an impoverished background does not mean he can't joke about certain issues. And should be reminded where he comes from by those who think they have already made it. 

The two guys where both wrong but Mongezi took it too far. 

Any way that bothered me and thought I should blog about it!

When Things Go Wrong

When things go wrong is when we suddenly remember that there is someone who is responsible for us. It becomes clear to us that we have a father in heaven that cares for us. We can offload every burden to him.

Whatever that unsettles us and makes our stay here on earth unbearable, we can rightfully say hey God, I can’t deal with abc and d. You know I need your help and you better turn up.

I know when we are at our lowest we become more humble and composed. You change the way you speak and act. You get your act together. You even respect the environment you find yourself in but not God!

It’s like we realise that Jesus should have a place in our busy lives. A permanent role that He should actively play but we are too proud to give Him the steering wheel of lives.

When we are met with situations beyond us we call on Him. Like a loving father He rescues us and protects our souls. He doesn’t ask why now. Sadly we only want him when things go wrong. Not when we are on top of our game.

We bluntly refuse to let go of our ungodly practises that He detests and hinder progress in our relationship with him. Unfortunately God cannot conform to our standards or limit himself and be less of a God to suit us.

He’s not sellable to the minds that think He wants to control us and doesn’t have a plan for our lives. He cannot change to fit in our programme. But when things go wroung…!

To be continued!

How Different Are You in These Social Media Times?

You will be forgiven if you think people that battle with sense of belonging are teenagers or elementary school children. These days people that should be seen as matured, passed all those silly stages and have discovered their true selves are rather immature.

We are in an era where social media plays a huge role in our lives. It contributes both positively and negatively in our daily activities. And can be blamed for making people detach from who they really are.

Everyone wants to be noticed and cheered. See me, see me is what they chant on social streets. People are fighting for ownership of the cool spots. They want to be seen as smartest, the most knowledgeable, the dopest, carefree and open minded beings.

Some shame suppress their thoughts on many things and go with the crowd. It’s like they waiting to be told, you too are important. You views can add value to the topic at hand. Make known what you are dying to utter but have been holding back because you fear being misjudged.

I think it is of our nature as human being to want to take leadership positions on everything and be seen as the one directing, telling everyone what to do or setting trends. The need to have the upper hand is great.

The foreseeable problem is losing one’s self trying to impress strangers. Wanting to keep up with abantu ongazange ubabone nasemdudwini wamasele.

Truth of the matter is that we all have something new to bring. When we stay true to ourselves we allow the world to witness the variety that we possess collectively. Imagine when artists stop being creative and copy foreign style of recording music. Basivimbe ubuncwane bomamela umculo ocwengileyo.

Money and popularity have a way of fooling people. Sadly some people succumb to the idea that only rich people deserve to be heard even when they don’t have anything better to say.

Endizama ukutsho, be your true self at all times. Fight to be who you kuba the world needs it. Not replicas but wena and you only.

Mazi enethole.

Too Ugly To Be Cherished

The world is kind to those who were created or mouldered fairly. Opportunities for them are endless. By the virtue of their good looks, they get treated better.

Appearance is everything for this generation. If by any chance you fall under this much disliked category: fat, dark and ugly then consider yourself the black sheep of our society.

It only gives preference to beautiful beings. They can have the ugliest of attitudes, low intelligence quotients and be insensitive to others. What matters is the ‘undisputable’ fact that they are beautiful.

Do not take into consideration the above highlighted qualities. The do not judge a book by its cover idiom is never applied when ‘beauties’ are concerned.

The outside appearance is the key to greatness bakithi. When you are pretty or handsome you are seen as a diamond. Boys want to have you, girls want to be your best friend. They don’t have to gain anything from you. The air that you breathe is sufficient enough for them until the next beautiful thing comes along.

What drops my jaw on the floor is how “ugly” people are treated. The insults they have to endure because they are not beautiful Nkosi yam! Anyone feels obliged to pass a bad remark on them. No one will come to their rescue.

Gabby Sidibe is a living example of such. Her success and proven talent doesn’t mean anything to merciless people who feel offended by the way God created her. People refuse to see the good in her. What she stands for and has to offer doesn’t count into her favour.

Sadly the beautiful Vogue worthy celebrities we see, have reconstructed themselves in order to be pretty and likeable. Obviously their ‘health’ was at risk and had to go for cosmetic surgery to fix their lives.

Black girls are bleaching their skins because Black is no longer beautiful. Lupita Nyongo is not beautiful enough for a Black girl.

Andazi what must happen for us to love one another and embrace each other’s differences. And see beyond the divides that the world keeps on introducing.

YOU CANNOT BE UGLY AND BROKE. CHOOSE A STRUGGLE- That’s what they say these days L

Bongani Fassie Continues to Work Under The Radar

City Press Imgage

One of our mistakes as TV and Radio followers is our tendency of thinking if a celebrity no longer gets featured on any of the mediums or gets written about in Sunday gossip papers, they have lost their relevancy or worse they are out of jobs.

Interestingly enough that’s what happened with Bongani Fassie after he parted ways with hip hop group, Jozi. In our eyes his star has arguably lost its sparkle. Bongani has since then worked on his solo career that includes producing hit songs for other artists.

The only child of the late best record seller of popular music, Brenda Fassie vowed to keep his mama’s music legacy going and he’s doing just that. Although understandably so, her passing affected him badly.

 Just because we don’t see them in the spot light doesn’t mean they are not up to something. Bongani is reportedly working with his former manager Lance Stehr of Muthaland Entertainment to commemorate the late Brenda Fassie.

I remember right after her death I watched Mojo- a show presented by husband and wife, Zam and Khensani Nkosi. Bongani was a guest and they were talking about the loss that South Africa suffered after MaBrirrrr’s untimely death. I couldn’t contain my tears as he cried and sadly spoke about his mama that tapped on my emotions and reminded me of my mother’s sad passing. I felt his pain.

Bongz as he is affectionately known is a proud dad to a baby girl (makutshwatwe bhuti and Vulindlela would be doubtlessly be the theme song).

Running to The Media to Gain Sympathy

Amanda (Smtv image)

There is this tendency of public figures that approaches different media houses to ‘tell their different side of the story’ which they claim is the truth.

These days there are two versions of the truth that do more harm than intended. It lives people more confused as to what is really happening.

It has become part of celebville’s culture for artist even the upcoming ones to run to newspapers and reputable magazines to pour their hearts out. The things said is usually petty stuff that could have been easily settled out of public viewing.

I guess most believe no publicity is bad publicity as long as the masses are talking about them. No one cares about having a pure brand and attract followers by being their true-selves. Seeming they rather slide their own names into mud to gain popularity.

I think it is public knowledge that they usually source their own stories. I mean how possible can it be that a ‘friend’  who insists on being anonymous sells their buddy to the press and coincidentally be the one knowing the nitty-gritty stuff that should be known only by the celeb in question?

Relevancy is the daily struggle of talentless celebrity wannabies.  Their stage names are all over gossip columns and blogs.

What they fail to do is owning up to the stuff said about them but choose to leave their supporters in the dark. The “don’t believe everything you read is not enough” because these are the same mediums they use to promote themselves. Their supporters shouldn’t be expected to only take publications seriously only when they report the good and ignore the rest when it’s not good for their brand.

Telling anyone that cares to listen on how so and so deceived them and how record companies are milking them dry and them being better than their competition or old flames is so DA-ish. It puts them in a bad light. It comes across as someone that doesn’t trust their talent and drums up unnecessary noise to draw attention to them.

Months ago tabloids were having a field day with Amanda du Point’s allegations on Bona

Amanda with Jub

magazine. Apparently she was sexually harassed by her then partner who is a famous rapper. Mongers put two and two together and JubJub’s name came out. They based their assumption on details that Amanda provided. Amanda had to do a follow up interview and assure everyone that JubJub is not the rapper that raped her.

When I read the story my heart went out to her but wondered why hasn’t she filed a case of sexual harassment and put the loser behind bars where they belong. Telling the readers what unfortunately transpired wasn’t gonna get the supposed abuser punished.  The whole thing just created a buzz around her and the suspected abuser whose name is unknown by the public.

It then occurred to me that maybe that’s how she wants to deal with it and not traumatize herself again by opening a court case. Where she will be expected to give a detailed account of what happened and relieve every moment of her deal.

But the growing number of people in the public eye who would do anything, I mean anything to stay relevant it becomes difficult to decipher the truth. We find ourselves questioning their motives of suddenly ‘bearing their souls’ and making known their truths before releasing or launching a new thing.

Is Anele Mdoda A Bully?

This is a question I asked myself after I witnessed a Twar between the much celebrated Anele Mdoda and some random guy. Anele’s defence mechanism is on another level. The woman spits fire! You don’t want to be on her bad side. And to be honest I don’t blame her. The world is nasty to thick Black girls. The criticism she gets is unacceptable!

People feel entitled to saying whatever they like and how they like because she is a celebrity and she shouldn’t retaliate but hold the forte. Abantu bakhwele bezehlela nje kuye!

We are too quick in spotting a public figure that appears to be rude and that thinks the world revolves around them and its common knowledge that they should watch what they say and how they phrase it.

I have come to notice that most celebrities and Twelebs are actually bullies. You cannot dispute or share a different opinion than theirs. Their word goes! For that we should put the blame on their blind followers for agreeing with everything they say.

The source of hatred that some people have for folks in the public eye doesn’t necessarily stem from jealousy but pure immaturity and silliness.  And wanting to gain a following by challenging or breaking down the spirit of a well known person.

                                                              

I watched the other time people making fun of the gap between Anele’s front teeth. I couldn’t believe their audacity and foolishness. The joy some people get by subjecting her to such mockery is rather insane.

My stance in all this madness doesn’t change. You can joke about someone’s none existence dress sense but not their stature.  We can’t change the way God the father created us and suggesting someone to go under the knife to please you yimpambano yodwa  ngesiXhosa esivakalayo.

I partly blame public figures for the misconception we have about them and the media world at large. We think they are perfect beings with perfect lives. They don’t experience problems, us ordinary beings encounter daily. They swim in a pool of money. Therefore they should be fit to handle gracefully whatever we throw on their side because we made them. Not their talent, hard work, tears and determination to succeed. Without us there could never be them.

I hate being the one having to highlight this but that’s the reality out there as crude as it is, I believe that’s how people see it.

There is absolutely no cool element in making fun of other people’s realities. There are some things you just can’t be too proud of like your physique or where you were born. You did not chose or work your butt off for it. It was just given to you. It’s understandable that we are human beings, we get carried away sometimes but finding pleasure in someone’s misery or pain is just distasteful and childish.

Another woman who wasn’t exempt from this kind of behaviour is DA’s Lindiwe Mazibuko. Her case was a shocker for me. You’d expect a lot from parliamentarians and acting like primary school kids isn’t one of them.

In primary school it was considered the coolest thing under the sun to make fun of other’s appearance. It could have been excusable then because we were young and stupid and didn’t know any better but not anymore. Inevitably we have grownup and now know what could hurt a person or lift their spirits up.

Lindiwe took the whole situation well and luckily for her the general public sided with her. That’s how it should be!  We shouldn’t shut up when people make fun of our brothers and sisters (mentioning that reminded me of Sizwe Dlomo’s infamous “I’m not your brother “ Tweets lol).

Back to the gorgeous Anele Mdoda: Some Twitter maniacs know that you can’t make fun of her unless you can take her strong comebacks or touché but it doesn’t have to come to that. I can bet my last sent that if you engage her in a respectable manner, her ‘claws’ wouldn’t come out.

I know, I know social networks are the last place to teach or expect people to behave in an acceptable, polite, adult manner because their mom and dad ain’t there! The only people they respect if they do.

It is uncalled for to drag people’s relatives on something they were never part of in the beginning to settle some scores but that should teach bullies a lesson right???

Anele’s ordeal reminds me of America’s Gabby Sidibe. Who gets judged for her weight and skin colour. A number of people see it appropriate to ridicule her. Good heavens ndingathetha kuse ngalomba kodwa abantu must GROW UP!

People think we stop being human cause we become known. F*** around and come up short with me. My mom didn't raise a punching bag -  @Anele

Stars Who Rocked Cornrows Back in The day

Thabiso

Thabiso Kevin Mokethi has rocked cornrows the longest. You wouldn’t be blamed to think he hates inkqayi or shaving his hair like other men. I started noticing him with cornrows on Thabang Thabong. Yeah that kiddies’ show, you and I watched. I think he has locks now on KaChing.


Loyiso Bala who liked trends (think the lip ring he had) wore cornrows
in the early two thousands. You could even see him on TKZee’s Fiasco video rocking them.

Donald

2011 isn’t really back in the day but it would be unfair not to include the shades and muscle revealing top
liking Donald Moatshe who used to wear them well.

Trevor Noah

 If truth be told no one rocked cornrows well like Trevor Noah though the twitpic, he tweeted late last year would disagree (what’s in a photo wethu). I used to run back home from school to catch his Run The Adventure show and of course his cute face.





 Stars That Rock Dread locks 

Lerato

Journalists or the “inky type” as Khaya Mkangisa calls us refuse to be called celebs but I’m here for you my people. Plus if the work you do mean you should be celebrated why not?! True Love magazine editor LeratoTshabalala has something good going there. And I love your gap woman! (Weird but true, I ain’t a gap hater so allow).


 Brickz mabrikhado indoda yaseZion in this case, has a good stylist. Though eyi-

Brickz

outie yaseKasi his hair is always clean (I don’t know where I’m going with this…). Lonto I don’t know why the keep on postponing the rape case.

Yvonne

Mama Yvonne Chaka Chaka, Judith Sepuma and Nambitha Mpulwana know how to maintain their locks, they are long, clean and always styled neatly. I love you my African queens, oopsie Yvonne Chaka Chaka is a princess. Maar let me upgrade you.

Is Pearl Thusi, Pumeza Dlwathi Long Lost Sister?

Pumeza

It’s not only their big Afros that these two light skinned ladies have alike. Everything about them is similar. If you were to eavesdrop on them telling their upbringing stories and how they both lost their moms at an early age, you would swear they are siblings.

Pearl Thusi

 There is so much these two have in common hence I have dubbed them Sister
Sister after the successful comedy series of the Mowry twins. They both have modelling background and are currently TV presenters and actresses. With Pumeza presenting Cula Sibone and Pearl, a number of shows which includes Live Amp and Tropicka Island of Tressure to name a few.

The only noticeable difference is the fact that the other has branched into radio while the other is a recording artist. Knowing the state of our entertainment industry that could change any day. Pearl could release a full album any day and Pumeza add radio in her résumé. It’s that uncertain!

 Even their love life is similar. They both got pregnant as teenagers and got engaged at their own respective times. Pumeza is currently engaged to musician, Shota (ndiyi-Casanova vocal singer) and father of her second child. Pearl has had her short stint of wedding bells when she got engaged to her baby daddy, sport presenter Walter Mokoena (felt like typing Walter with emphasise because y’all know how he used to pronounce his name). Another thing they both have Xhosa and White ancestors though Pearl is Zulu.

Mbali Zulu’s Unfair Disqualification on Big Brother Mzantsi

I was so ecstatic when it was announced that Big Brother Mzantsi will be back on air after 12 years of not broadcasting. We all know when Biggie graces our TV screens, other programmes take the back seat. Despite the controversy due to the nature of the show, Big Brother does wonders to the careers of his contestants.

 With all that out of the way let me get into the reason why I saw it fitting to write this post. I was quite surprised when Jenayne’s didn’t jump for joy when Biggie announced Mbali’s mishap of forfeiting his rules. She never made Mbali’s stay easy, something that was even felt by other chambermates. Nku even suggested that he sits with jay and find a way of resolving the evident personal issues between them before they spiral out of control. And Mbali bluntly refused because he knew Jay wouldn’t agree but promised to try.

 From my understanding and what I watched Jay had hots for Mbali and the feeling was mutual but was restrained by her outside relationship to ‘Gavan’ and often talked about it at irrelevant times as if she was consoling herself and sent endless shout outs to him reminding him to campaign for her(which was cool by the way).

Mbali’s departure honestly didn’t surprise me and I even wanted to draft this post after the altercation he had with Iris but suppressed my thoughts and kinder hoped Biggie was going to be lenient in punishing him. And sort of play the clips that showed ladies ‘provoking’ him with their dares. Jay made it her sole purpose at the Chamber house to discredit Mbali with every chance she got. Maybe she saw him as a strong competitor because the bro mingled and laughed freely with his mates. That was eventually proven when Mbali left.

The house wasn’t the same again. I believe his absence wasn’t only felt by us the viewers or his supporters but the chambermates themselves. The strap was crazy with comments disapproving of Jaynen’s tendency of manipulating situations to discredit Mbali. And come out as the caring person that has everyone’s best interest at heart whilst she just wanted to advance her chances of going to the main house. (And that wasn’t a problem because everyone wanted to be upgraded but the manner which was done in wasn’t right).

In reminiscent ofwhat he said on his dairy sessions, when Biggie asked him what his role in the house is and he replied by saying he is the motivator and man he effortlessly cheered the mates whenever they were down and assumed leadership positions whenever they were given tasks. He even accommodated Iris and spoke isiZulu as it was an open secret that Iris struggled a bit in expressing herself fluently in English. And that to me isn’t something to be ashamed of because it is our reality here in South Africa.

 Not all of us were fortunate enough to attend the best schools and I think that’s the reason Mandla mocked it and said English is not our Mother. I for one don’t think you can give/reward people with alcohol and expect them to be on their best behaviour as if they drank a ‘Junky’ especially in a confined space. Bagaetsothis by NO means disregards what Mbali did but I think what happened to him was unfortunate and could have been prevented in my opinion though he said to Nku “maybe this is how it was designed”.

 Like Thabo Mokwele like saying at the end of his show, “Keep shining” and be the flower you were meant to be. I must admit I liked his composure when he was told he had few minutes to sort his things out, it reminded me of O’Neal’s eviction. He was so calm and in control of the situation.

Celebs Who Lost Weight Last Year

I imagine one of the most difficult things in living your life under the watchful eye of thousands of supporters is going through personal stuff with them beside you. With the advancement of media and sometimes inaccurate gossip columns, theyare privy to information about youand ready to give an opinion on how you should live your life. It doesn’t matter whether you are interested on what they are going to say or not the work that you do dictates such.

Vathiswa

 Media is known to be unkind to big women and to make matters worse they are often portrayed in a negative way. But it should be comforting knowing that the most influential and wealthiest Black woman in the world, Oprah Winfrey isn’t immune to weight woes and harshness from ‘concerned’ fans. Home Affairs, Shooting stars, Generations (she had relevant cameo role, as mamfundisi, back in the KhensaniMoroka days) actress and radio presenter


Vathiswa Ndara has amazingly shed some pounds off. And my wish for you woman is to show it all off. The yummy dark beauty, Zabalaza actress Mbali Ntulihas lost some few kilograms incredibly. You can actually see she has followed the right measures and wasrewarded with a beautiful toned body in return. Women who don’t have much weight to lose often look horrible after embarking on that journey. You honestly don’t see that in her. Keep it up girl. Like her fellow Zabalaza colleagueMbali, ZandileMsuthwanawas never big but has shed some unwanted fat too.

Mama Ruby/Slindile announced in a reputable magazine early last year that she plans on kissing her big self goodbye. But like Gospel singer HlengiweMhlaba who lost … we don’t really see the difference in their before and after hitting the gym pics. To your consolation ladies I’m also battling with my own weight issues. It’s not easy being fuller figured (size 10) but you inspire me to push harder and squat my cellulite away. Maar AusieHlengiwe, I don’t think people judge slightly overweight women who eat ice cream boo. That’s insane, if they side eye you for indulging every now and then in a hot Johannesburg day suwara sana.

Pearl

 Pearl Modiade who presents Zaziwa and Mzantsi insider has lost a noticeable amount of weight but I like the voluptuous Pearl who used to go by the name “The Real Black Pearl” but dropped it after the equally stunning Pearl Thusi hijacked it. (That Proverb and Prokidkinda beef). Gosh it feels like I’m perpetuating a rumour. Forgive me ladies. But that’s not for me to decide what suites her best. I was tempted bazalwane to list those who look horrible with their new weight, but that is plainnasty. And I would have loved to include guys in this list but y’all ain’t losing weight my bros except for Bouga love and his Bootcamp peeps. Great work guys.

Y’all Still Wrecking Homes?

This isn’t a new subject but it affects our societies badly. Something needs to be done or said. If we keep quiet and do nothing about it, kids will grow up thinking it’s normal for a married man to have a side chick. 

With kids’ growing tendency of idolising celebrities who aren’t really role models but people who are still finding themselves and some losing themselves, it’s hard to just watch and not say a thing! They have seen how the SenzoMeyiwa and Kelly Khumalo drama unfolded and how Kelly shamelessly showed off her baby bump.

Marriage is a blessing from God and the institution needs to be respected. And we can only show respect by not being a side chick and meddling into things bigger than us. You might ask whyare we expected to respect something whilst the very same people who should be honouring and protecting it are the ones luring young innocent girls with expensive gifts. The answer is simple do not fall into the trap of joining losers in their misery. Love and respect yourself enough to shield your soul from unwanted baggages that will do you no good. We all know they won’t leave their spouses for you. Even if they do please don’t be the reason of a failed marriage. Yes things were probably going wrong long before you came into picture but distance yourself from such situations.

Let’s be the new breed that doesn’t rely on men for financial assistance. Let’s not find solace in destroying other people’s lives. Don’t be the person to “shakeup” people’s marriages. If they have problems and need a distraction the counsellors’ room should be the first step not you. I was so thrown back by my friend’s response to a discussion we had. He boldly confessed that he would openly cheat to his wife and she should be okay with it. I was even stunned by the way he said it and how he told us a story of his cheating grandfather and the pain he caused his grandmother. This is a university student better off a Christian. Ndamatsheka!

So many TV shows have been created, magazine articles written to make us aware of the dangers of getting involved with married person but nothing seem to reach our ears. We’ve of its consequences but no one dares to stop. Like sir Isaacs Newton says to every action there is a reaction. You will give an account to God for actions. Phalakahle.

When to Compensate

People generally struggle with compensation. Some overcompensate to make up for lost time or to fill a void. Others do not even bother with compensating for what needs to be compensated. Either way compensation needs to continue regardless of our understanding. There are some instances where I feel people are just abusing being reimbursed for example a family I know lost their bread winner after he was ‘mistakenly’ shot by a wealthy man. They decided to settle the matter out of court and agreed that the man must deposit a substantial amount of money to that family every month instead of going to jail for murder. The rumour was that it wasn’t his first time and he just pays people off. I faulted the unemployed family because your circumstances can’t force you to turn a blind eye like that. I know even the harshest sentencing won’t bring your loved one back but you can’t be taken advantage of. It is understandable for parents who wants to be paid (intlawulo) by a boy who impregnated their daughter out of wedlock. Culturally that reinforces respect and builds friendship between the two families in a clean slate. Child feels acknowledged. And children will grow up knowing they cannot do as they please with their bodies whilst they still depend on their parents. It served as your conscience and had to own up. It goes out without saying for road accident victims. They need to be refunded to pay for medical bills and the expense the accident might have cost. Same applies for those who got arrested wrongfully. Not only did they lost time to make money, be there for their families, they probably have emotionally scars that can’t be fixed but can only be compensated.

Precious Kofi A Stay at Home Mom

Precious with her son on her back

We came to know her as a vibrant, petite model, presenter,and actress from Cape Town that rocked Afro like no one’s business.
She exited the TV world gracefully by presenting and producing Precious Africa. A show where she travelled Africa and showed us the most historic places in our continent like Mali’s Timbuktu and the ancient churches in Ethiopia.

But lately I’ve been touched by her outlook on life and her positivity in general. She paused from the bussle and hustle that comes with the entertainment industry and got married and moved with her hubby to America where she stays with her in-laws. And has a one year old baby boy.

What intrigues me the most about her is her maturity and her grasp of what it truly means to ‘do you’. Some of her colleagues from the entertainment industry are probably drowning in debt trying to impress their peers but yena she lives a total different life.

 There are many lessons to be learnt from her. She had a promising career and once you’ve reached where she was, it is only expected of you to break new grounds and be the IT but she shunned it all or so I think. Ungathi she has found her purpose and true self.

 Facts About Precious

•  Bay of Plenty (Actress) 
•  Keeping it Real with Precious (Presenter)
•  Game show on SABC (Presenter)
•  EMS Music show with Wright Ngubeni (Presenter)

My Eastern Cape Experience

I have decided to honour my promise

and blog about my experience of spending four full years in the rural part of the Eastern Cape. And it’s only fitting to write it whilst I’m still on my December holiday in this beautiful land of my intimates. My stay wasn’t planned. I was supposed to study in East London but I had misplaced my report and understandably I couldn’t enrol at a city school on time so I ended up attending the village school. They accepted me with the agreement that my old school would reprint my report card. I’m not going to lie having an aunt that practises her teaching profession there smoothed the entire process. With all that sorted out I could be seen with my new uniform and forward self in the assembly with other kids but I wasn’t singing my lungs out like the rest of them. Back in my previous school in Cape Town, in Gugulethu to be precise, we didn’t sing like them. Later on I would learn it’s not only the singing that’s not alike but the education is a little inferior too. They had a small section in a corner of a classroom that was known as the library and good Samaritans would donate books every now and then. So one Friday afternoon we were called out to polish one mud-built classroom with mud mixed with cow dung (uRhida). Like expected I was lost. I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I just stood aside and watched tjo that was a huge mistake on my side as that draw the attention of one most feared teacher there. She rudely told me to go get fresh cow dung and help out. It’s then it dawned on me that my life has changed. Did I mention that they still practised corporal punishment and they’d assig boys to get a stick/cane in the nearby bushes? In Cape Town, teachers feared beating children because of a law that abolished such harsh punishment. It was often mocked as umthethokaMandela. Adapting at home wasn’t hard. My village is electrified and has running tap water so fetching water from the river was out of question. We occasionally collected wood from the forest. And I enjoyed doing so and I remember my first inyada was so big and I couldn’teven lift it higher than my shoulders and had to embarrassingly remove some wood to make it lighter. I remember my aunt asking meif I’ve stayed in a village before. Mdanstane where I spent some of my adolescent years isn’t a village. There is a book I later read and related with in High School called Comfort Herself. She was orphaned at an early stage in her life and had to stay at an orphanage and later with her grandparents at a different setting but she easily adapted. That was me but the difference is the fact that my father is still alive and I never stayed at an orphanage. Her resilience saw her surviving in new environments and that’s me.Thanks to my upbringing in the Eastern Cape, you can throw me in a deep end and I will learn quietly how to swim like a pro.